Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
