Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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