my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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