You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
