i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
