I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
