yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When are your genitals available?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
