he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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