I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize