Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
