I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
