is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
