Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
