Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
