walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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