Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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