My first STD was from a foam party
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
