I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
