PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
