the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My life is pants optional.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
