No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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