Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
