I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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