I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
