I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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