it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
