You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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