So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
