somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
