I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
