Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
