Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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