dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
