So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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