Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
