Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have demons in me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
