I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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