Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
