she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
