Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
