you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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