the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
