I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
