It's Friday. Sex?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
