I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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