just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
