No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So vagazzling was a success
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