I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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