She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
