We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
