You're completely useless in the revolution.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
