the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
