You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
