how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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