I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
