Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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