Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
