Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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