I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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