btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
