I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The uberlube is also flammable
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
