My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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