Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
