You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
