I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
