It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
