Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
